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Death is the only way | Jagadeesh


I mind nothing but my husband's death. That is the solitary thing that is ruling my brain now. Thisight, I’m driving alone in my husband’s favorite white mini cooper. I have a sonata black leather watch on my wrist and a mobile in my handbag, and I don’t want to see the time. But every time I try to see the time on the car's display, that starts to move like a glitch. I don’t know why this is happening like someone is hacking and playing with my fear.

My husband was the reason I’m driving alone this night. I’m trying to overlap my memories that happened at his funeral and something isn’t properly sitting in my memory. Like one part of my brain remembers something and the other part is blanky blank. I’m driving through a dense forest trail and I asked myself, "Should I definitely go this way?" But there was no other way to go.

Well-developed trees on both sides of the road. Only one light was visible across the road and that is definitely the reflection of my car's headlight. There were no street lamps, no moonlight, and no other vehicle. I wish fireflies would provide some company all the way. But unexpectedly, even mosquitos were not there to bite me.

While I’m driving on this lone road, that seems to me that all the deepening darkness in this world was persistently haunting me. I can see black clouds chasing me everywhere I go. I want to get out of this mess so I start listening to cheerful songs. Suddenly, the glitching of time stopped, but the bizarre thing is, I forgot the time the next second when I see the time. "Every time."

If I see the time as 11.00 PM, the next second I blink my eyes, I forgot what the time was. I was inquiring myself again what was the time. So, when I see the time, I kept telling the time to don't forget, but I couldn’t control my mouth from telling random numbers like 11.20, 11.30, 11.12, 11.01, etc. I’m telling myself not to see the time in my whole life again. After that, my specific focus was only on listening to songs.

Suddenly the wind began blowing hard, the clouds were all chasing me together, I was hearing a noise I had never heard before, the sound of the thunder frightened me, I don’t know what the hell is going on. Except for the light of my car, many lights appeared on that road, but no other vehicles, so my song stopped abruptly. My eyes were glazing over, I can't see properly through the front glass. In the middle of the road, a dazzling flash of great lightning struck as if there is a connection between the sky and the earth. The lightning looked like that possesses my husband's image. Like he is standing inside the light looking at me. I thought it naturally feels like that to me because I lost my husband. Because of the grief. My car is also not running properly, it’s drifting like a snake here and there on the road and I cannot handle it. My left leg rashly pushed the brake, and I parked my car in the middle of that horrific road. The engine turned off.

The mighty trees that had prospered on both sides of the road were become known as trees with no leaves, like the body of a man with no flesh, just the skeleton, trees with only branches. Those trees suddenly started growing. It grew beyond its sustainable growth, and all the trees continued to grow as if they were fighting fiercely with each other. The roots went under the earth and shook my car from the bottom. I’m trying to start my car, and when I press the start button it turned into something jelly-like substance and my fingers slide inside smoothly, but somehow my car has started.

I took out my finger from the start button and grabbed the steering to get out of that place. Suddenly terrific sharp thorns were naturally growing out of the steering. The thorns naturally pierced my fingers, but that felt nothing. I shed no blood too, but that is climbing inside my hands rapidly. I did see that and felt that thorns were infiltrating my hands. Even though when I took my hands off the steering that was growing continuously. I have no idea what is going on around me. When I’m trying to open the driver's door, my right hand reached the door handle, and the sudden change made me so numb. All the doors became like a wall. There was no handle and no glass and everything became like a formidable wall. I can’t see what is happening outside my car. I’m wondering if there were any chief ghosts who intentionally tried to freak me out.

I started to cry, and the tears don’t fall down either. My teardrops were going upwards, floating gently in the air like there is no evidence of gravity only inside my car. Suddenly, my floating tears started to burst one by one and I couldn't see my own tears. They were gone like an unstable nucleus in the bonded atom that we cannot see with our eyes. I’m still trying to open the door of my car. I don’t even know if my screams will go out of that car. I’m moving to the back seat of the car, closed my eyes, and lay down.

When I closed my eyes to escape from that bizarre situation, I experienced the lightning and my husband’s images like a ghost inside my eyes of the darkness. I don’t want the ghost to be my husband. I wish he would come to support me to overcome this nonsense situation. I’m missing him so much. Suddenly I opened my eyes. My husband's car, the trees, and the clouds were all becoming normal. Suddenly a noise come from the left passenger door as someone knocked on the windshield. Am I going to face another strange situation? I barely know how to defend anyone if they cause me trouble.

I step out of my car and searched for the person who knocked on the windshield. He has placed his car ahead of my car on the roadside, leaning back comfortably on his car and looking at me. He looked like he possess the appearance of a comic hero of “Devil’s driver”. He is fully black. His skin, his pants, his leather hoodie which is covering him from the top of the head to the bottom of his big muscled thighs.